Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
