I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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