It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
