im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
