i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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