I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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