Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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