I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
