We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just want to make out with him forever
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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