I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
