Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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