i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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