I think I won the penis lottery.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
