Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
