Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
