Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
