Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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