she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
