Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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