my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
