Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
