forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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