i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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