he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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