Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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