glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
