In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize