Umm I'm too high to move.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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