sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
