alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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