I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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