wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Success! We fucked roommates!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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