I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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