did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
