in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
