I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
