You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
