Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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