so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
