My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We need to get me chipped asap
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
