Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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