bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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