remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize