A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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