my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
