when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
and you fell through a lawn chair
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
