Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
