I think i peed on brittanys purse
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
