clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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