so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
