She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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