Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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