6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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