I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
