I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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