Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
