Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
