My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
