So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
