if only i could text you this smell
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
