do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it hurts more in the daytime
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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