last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
