Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
