Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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