All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
