I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
