what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
