Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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